[Vignette] Naruto: A Moment Stolen
May. 4th, 2006 01:50 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
graychalk posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
inkcanvasFandom: Naruto
Pairing: Shikamaru/Temari
Rating/Status: G / 606 words, complete
Timeline: Open for after the Sasuke retrieval arc (around manga ch.238+). No spoilers.
Summary: Shikamaru thinks that, for once, it was probably best he did nothing at all.
Author's Notes: More ShikaTema (with a cheesy title). :p This one came out of nowhere and just sorta dribbled out without any proper refinement or editing. All in all, I guess it's just another exploration of a "moment" between the two. It's probably too wordy, quite cliche, and a tad bit boring... and it also doesn't have any dialogue again. Rather below the kind of standard I usually try to set for myself, but I'm trying to break into a new kind of writing and this will have to do for now. >_>;
A Moment Stolen
Right from the start, Shikamaru sensed several things at once even as he struggled to clear the cobwebs muddling his brain from the aftermath of a nap. Though his eyes remained closed, he gathered that the sun was probably setting by the red he could see from behind his eyelids. His legs had fallen asleep as well, and he tried to flex his toes to get the blood circulating again.
But what he noticed above all else was the weight that pressed against the crook of his neck and how warm the left side of his body felt. The feeling was just a bit too disconcerting, and for all of his genius, Shikamaru had no idea how he was supposed to react. Nervous, perhaps, though that obviously wouldn't help in the least.
He shifted his butt a little to relieve the numbness but abruptly froze when he felt the weight stir against his shoulder. It was a moment longer before he finally allowed himself to breathe, a slow steady exhale of air escaping through his parted lips.
This was most definitely, entirely, very very troublesome.
Still, there was no other way to proceed but carefully. He sat rooted to the grass as he cracked, first, one eye open to gauge the position he had somehow gotten himself into. And then he found that he couldn't move at all as he openly stared at the bundle of blond leaning against him.
The spikes of her hair tickled his jawline, and Shikamaru was simultaneously struck by how incredibly strange yet normal it was that she had fallen asleep on him. But what threw him completely off-kilter was the way she looked. He realized, then, that he had never had the leisure to really look at her - to really trace his eyes along the soft curves of her face and take in all the little details that made her so distinctly Temari.
It was odd, when he thought about it, how her face could be so familiar to him and yet it was like he had never truly seen her at all. It occurred to him that the opportunity to actually look at her like this had never before been granted to him. It made him think of the way she often stared at him, with the kind of intensity that made him focus on her gaze alone - so much so that he couldn't look at anything else.
Now though, as he took in the entire composition of her face, he became overwhelmed by a different kind of discovery. Awake, Temari seemed to constantly be cloaked by a tight, defensive demeanor borne more from habit than anything else. But asleep, she lay almost carelessly against him with her shoulders slacked and the creases of her face smoothed by the relaxed slumber. It made him a little bit embarrassed to be watching her in this kind of intimate manner, and he briefly wondered how long he had before she woke up and found herself leaning on him so freely.
She would kill him, he thought.
He knew, without a doubt, that she would pale slightly before she pushed him off in a hurry and perhaps smack him in the head as color rushed back to her cheeks. Or something violent like that. Never mind that she was the one who fell asleep on him.
But until then, he thought there was no reason he should speed along that consequence by waking her up. Besides, this was kind of nice. And with that thought, Shikamaru closed his eyes and drifted back to sleep with a satisfied smirk on his face.
/End
Comments and concrit always appreciated - I don't get offended over suggestions and corrections so no worries about a rabid author screaming at you for criticizing something!
Pairing: Shikamaru/Temari
Rating/Status: G / 606 words, complete
Timeline: Open for after the Sasuke retrieval arc (around manga ch.238+). No spoilers.
Summary: Shikamaru thinks that, for once, it was probably best he did nothing at all.
Author's Notes: More ShikaTema (with a cheesy title). :p This one came out of nowhere and just sorta dribbled out without any proper refinement or editing. All in all, I guess it's just another exploration of a "moment" between the two. It's probably too wordy, quite cliche, and a tad bit boring... and it also doesn't have any dialogue again. Rather below the kind of standard I usually try to set for myself, but I'm trying to break into a new kind of writing and this will have to do for now. >_>;
Right from the start, Shikamaru sensed several things at once even as he struggled to clear the cobwebs muddling his brain from the aftermath of a nap. Though his eyes remained closed, he gathered that the sun was probably setting by the red he could see from behind his eyelids. His legs had fallen asleep as well, and he tried to flex his toes to get the blood circulating again.
But what he noticed above all else was the weight that pressed against the crook of his neck and how warm the left side of his body felt. The feeling was just a bit too disconcerting, and for all of his genius, Shikamaru had no idea how he was supposed to react. Nervous, perhaps, though that obviously wouldn't help in the least.
He shifted his butt a little to relieve the numbness but abruptly froze when he felt the weight stir against his shoulder. It was a moment longer before he finally allowed himself to breathe, a slow steady exhale of air escaping through his parted lips.
This was most definitely, entirely, very very troublesome.
Still, there was no other way to proceed but carefully. He sat rooted to the grass as he cracked, first, one eye open to gauge the position he had somehow gotten himself into. And then he found that he couldn't move at all as he openly stared at the bundle of blond leaning against him.
The spikes of her hair tickled his jawline, and Shikamaru was simultaneously struck by how incredibly strange yet normal it was that she had fallen asleep on him. But what threw him completely off-kilter was the way she looked. He realized, then, that he had never had the leisure to really look at her - to really trace his eyes along the soft curves of her face and take in all the little details that made her so distinctly Temari.
It was odd, when he thought about it, how her face could be so familiar to him and yet it was like he had never truly seen her at all. It occurred to him that the opportunity to actually look at her like this had never before been granted to him. It made him think of the way she often stared at him, with the kind of intensity that made him focus on her gaze alone - so much so that he couldn't look at anything else.
Now though, as he took in the entire composition of her face, he became overwhelmed by a different kind of discovery. Awake, Temari seemed to constantly be cloaked by a tight, defensive demeanor borne more from habit than anything else. But asleep, she lay almost carelessly against him with her shoulders slacked and the creases of her face smoothed by the relaxed slumber. It made him a little bit embarrassed to be watching her in this kind of intimate manner, and he briefly wondered how long he had before she woke up and found herself leaning on him so freely.
She would kill him, he thought.
He knew, without a doubt, that she would pale slightly before she pushed him off in a hurry and perhaps smack him in the head as color rushed back to her cheeks. Or something violent like that. Never mind that she was the one who fell asleep on him.
But until then, he thought there was no reason he should speed along that consequence by waking her up. Besides, this was kind of nice. And with that thought, Shikamaru closed his eyes and drifted back to sleep with a satisfied smirk on his face.
/End
Comments and concrit always appreciated - I don't get offended over suggestions and corrections so no worries about a rabid author screaming at you for criticizing something!
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no subject
Date: May 3rd, 2006 06:49 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: May 4th, 2006 12:48 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: May 4th, 2006 05:26 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: May 3rd, 2006 06:50 pm (UTC)The nitpicks I have are mostly regarding grammar. Specifically:
The spikes of her hair was tickling his jawline,
he had never had the opportunity the first had doesn't really need to be there
borne from habit than I'm not sure, but I think the standard construction is "borne more from ____ than _____"
he briefly wondered how long he had before she wakes up and finds herself leaning on him so freely. Yikes! Watch out. I make this mistake often too, because sometimes I'll think in present and will have to convert to past. When I'm on a roll, sometimes these things get overlooked.
Lastly,
how incredibly strange and normal
would it make more sense to stick a "yet" in there?
no subject
Date: May 4th, 2006 12:55 pm (UTC)And I knew I should've put the "yet" in the strange and normal sentence...except I had a "Yet" coming in the following sentence so I didn't want it to sound repetitive. But that's probably the lesser of two evils, so to speak- since the sentence just didn't make as much sense without the yet.
Thanks again for taking the time to make those suggestions- they really helped. I never really had anyone do that for me before, so I really appreciate it! :) And I'm glad you liked this- though I feel like my fics for this pairing seems so bland compared to yours. *_*
no subject
Date: May 5th, 2006 06:23 pm (UTC)I thought it was really sweet that Temari would cuddle up with Shikamaru, but only after he was already asleep. Shikamaru's reaction to waking up with her there was entertaining. Then he ponders about Temari but ultimately desides to go back to sleep.
Very cool fic.