So... this is what I DIDN'T put in the FF.net review.
The idea that you've created... with living in Hell (I assume you were referring to the Hyuuga life) is very curious because I independently also came up with a VERY similar line.
Hmmm, I guess I should go back and change mine. Damn, 'cause I really liked it too... I references Dante's Inferno and everything! Oh well, I guess great minds really DO think alike, eh?
Oh, and just one, teeny, tiny, little bit of CC
He hadn't thought he knew how she really smelled like.
I think that the 'how' in this should be 'what'.
Also, I think the verb tense agreement may need a little look-see. I'm not sure. I'm really not the expert on that sort of thing. But it just sounded a little awkward to me. Maybe something like:
He didn't think he knew what she really smelled like
He hadn't thought he known what she really smelled like
No, both of those sad bad too. Maybe just a little revision of that line. Other than that. I loved it all.
P.S. When you write, it makes me happy (hence the icon)
More reviewing...
The idea that you've created... with living in Hell (I assume you were referring to the Hyuuga life) is very curious because I independently also came up with a VERY similar line.
Hmmm, I guess I should go back and change mine. Damn, 'cause I really liked it too... I references Dante's Inferno and everything! Oh well, I guess great minds really DO think alike, eh?
Oh, and just one, teeny, tiny, little bit of CC
He hadn't thought he knew how she really smelled like.
I think that the 'how' in this should be 'what'.
Also, I think the verb tense agreement may need a little look-see. I'm not sure. I'm really not the expert on that sort of thing. But it just sounded a little awkward to me. Maybe something like:
He didn't think he knew what she really smelled like
He hadn't thought he known what she really smelled like
No, both of those sad bad too. Maybe just a little revision of that line. Other than that. I loved it all.
P.S. When you write, it makes me happy (hence the icon)